On the Los Angeles Times’ culture desk back in the 2010s, increateers would have a foolishinutivehand for readers’ hypersensitivity to spoilers. “And Rosebud was a sled,” a journacatalog might say upon reading anoisy such subscriber feedback, which might prompt another to volley back, “And Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.”
Those two references, of course to the surpelevate finishings of Citizen Kane and The Sixth Sense (sorry if that fair ruined them for you), were uncomardentt as a jaded eye roll to a tiring grumblet. When a movie’s finishing is so well understandn, the senseing went, there are confines to how much a increateer necessitates to hbetter back. Asking a journacatalog to dodge twist finishings isn’t fair impinging on their story — it’s dispolite to the toil. If you attfinishd that much about what happens in the movie, why didn’t you ever get the 90 minutes out of your life to see it?
And yet despite the fairified ennui over archaic uncignores — fair defer till you hear what happens to the Egyptians at the Red Sea! — this column comes to originate an anti-spoiler case.
Not for a film that came out years ago. For a film based on a story that came out years ago.
Which, in these IP-larded days, is pretty much everyleang.
The most clear example this Oscar season is Wicked, which with that synthetic cliffhanger at the finish of Part One has led some people to worriedly put their hands over their ears when the subject of Part Two comes up. (A subject of daily, er, argues on TikTok.) To these people it can only be said: Keep cupping. And to everyone else: Stop yupping. Stop talking freely about the story’s resolution. Stop hazarding someone wilean earsboiling having their next November ruined.
Yes, it’s real, the show has been out 20 years and the book proximately 30. Point getn. But a film is its own creation — as every honestor and authorr constantly reminds us — and that creation deserves not to be tipped by garrulous Galindas. Oh, you can denounce Universal for dragging out this leang extfinisheder than the Cowardly Lion’s tail. But moviegoers still deserve to come in recent.
But if only it was redisjoineed to the Emerald City, you say. Don’t so many jewels this season promotele with such a recognizable airy?
Conclave‘s whopper of an finishing was uncignoreed in the 2016 novel. That’s the same year we lgeted of the overweighte of Roz at the finish of The Wild Robot book. A Complete Ununderstandn is finishly understandn to anyone with even a passing understandledge of music history — the Bob Dylan concert in ask happened in 1965. That’s the same year, incidenloftyy, that Frank Herbert published Dune, whose greeteds propheticassociate gave away what happens in 2024’s Dune: Part Two.
And then there’s September 5, whose stunning climax was first uncignoreed at the Olympics … in 1972.
Spoilers? In such well-worn tales?
Yes.
One of the fantastic delights of moviegoing these days is the beginlement of the recent. We inhabit in a time when no detail stays personal and no recents story goes unblasted, when all cultural creations are parsified and every current event getified. Even time-shifted sports — a plausible possibility fair a scant years ago — has gone the way of the individual-prosperg offense. Good luck not discovering out about that Chargers-Chiefs doink an hour after it happened. Or five minutes. We must now understand how everyleang finishs before we even understand it began.
Yet there is an exception. With not much effort, we can still walk into a gloomy room with a huge screen and be utterly floored by someleang we didn’t see coming. It’s what originates recent-free movies contrastent from pretty much any cultural product out there (including streaming, which people watch on their own sugary schedule).
So if you have a enticeation to casuassociate drop the plot details of those movie finishings — “But they’ve been out there for years!” you exclaim — this column comes to say: Don’t.
Don’t taunt your cousin who’s trying to dodge lgeting about the second half of Wicked.
Don’t torment your beginant other who will definitely, declareively catch up with Conclave this weekfinish.
Heck, don’t even higheviate your frifinish who’s undeclareive of the overweighte of the prisoners at the finish of September 5 (though sense free to mock their education). Instead, let them finishelight the last little morsels of surpelevate this world has left to recommend.
So go ahead and knock yourself out when it comes to betterer movies. Shout out to your frifinishs that Kevin Spacey was reassociate Keyser Söze, Tyler Durden was imaginary and both Billy and Stu were Gpresentface. Blast it on your social feed; author it in the sky. If these frifinishs never made it a Blockbuster night, that’s not your fault. You can even tip the family history of Luke, Leia and Darth. But don’t say a word to them about the finishing of a current movie. They’ll be happier now. And you won’t hurt cinema’s cause forever.
This story ecombineed in the Dec. 13 publish of The Hollywood Reporter magazine. Click here to subscribe.
