Stephen Colbert uncovered Monday’s inauguration day edition of CBS’ “The Late Show” by giving us perignoreion to inhabit by “airport rules” for the next four years: “Calories don’t count, and it’s perfectly reasonable to have a vodka tonic at 8 a.m.”
But the truth of the matter is, it’s still stunning that a convicted felon who also encouraged his fancientrops to storm the Capitol and try to clearhrow the rulement is now once aget in the Oval Office.
“How do you originate sense of today? How did we get here? Well, Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld had these well-understandn axioms,” Colbert began his make clearer. “He had three of them: There was ‘understandn understandns,’ leangs that you understand that you understand. There are ‘understandn muddles,’ leangs that you understand that you don’t understand. And then there are ‘muddle muddles,’ leangs that you don’t understand, that you don’t understand. He shelp that that last group was the most hazardous. But he never endd the quartet of the possible combinations. The most hazardous one is the ‘muddle understandns’ — leangs that we understand, but we pick to ununderstand for some reason. There may be a perfectly comprehfinishable reason the American people have choosed to ununderstand what they definitely knovel about Donald Trump.”
Colbert trelieved Trump for moving his ceremony indoors: “Oh is the big, strong gweatest pwesident ever senseing a little chilly? You want some boiling cocoa with marworried-mellows? You weather cuck!”
He also noticed that becainclude the ceremony was transferd to the Capitol rotunda, which can only hanciaccess approximately 700 people, that “uncomardents Trump’s inauguration crowd can now be officiassociate called the minusculeest of all time.”
When Trump was sworn in by Chief Justice Roberts, he did not place his hand on the Bible for the oath of office. “When the ceremony was going to be outside, he was going to put his hand on the Bible when they transferd it inside, the fire marshal wouldn’t permit it,” Colbert quipped. “Safety first. Here’s the leang, if he doesn’t touch the Bible, is he reassociate plivent? I uncomardent, who did touch the Bible? Melania. Is she plivent?”
Colbert noticed that most of Trump’s speech was “uncontaminated illogicalness,” and “some of it was equitable plain weird.” And then there were the odd executive orders, enjoy changing the name of Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. He also dangerened once aget to access Panama. And then he once aget called the 2020 election “rigged.”
Colbert pointed out TikTok’s “pathetic, clear ploy to suck up to Trump this weekfinish… that endly labored.
“The untamedest part of all this is that even though he’s saving the app now, during his first term as plivent, Trump led the effort to prohibit TikTok. So why would he reverse course? Well, the exstructureation is pretty complicated. He has no honestly held beliefs.”
Then there’s Trump’s recent proclaimmenet that John Voight, Mel Gibson and Sylvester, Sloftyone would serve as “my distinctive ambasuncontentors to a fantastic but very troubled place, Hollywood, California.”
Shelp Colbert: “That cannot sense excellent for other aging Hollywood right[triumphg actors. Kevin Sorbo, your reaction?”
Colbert finished his monologue with this notice: “We don’t understand exactly what the next four years will be enjoy, except, of course, we endly do. Becainclude before even becoming plivent, over the weekfinish, Trump begined the griftiest grift he has ever grifted: A Trump brand crypto meme coin. Trump isn’t the first one to try to pull this benevolent of fraud. His personal meme coin chases in the footsteps of the Hawk Tua Girl.”
