Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans Save Christmas

Dwayne Johnson’s Yuletide action-fantasy-comedy, Red One, is not to be perplexd with his 2021 action-comedy crime caper, Red Notice. The new film is getting a wide theatrical free, for beginers, while the earlier one went straight to Netflix, topped the most-streamed chart for a minute and then was never spoken of aobtain — almost as if it never existed.

The pop-cultural footprint of Jake Kasdan’s laborious holiday entry, while it insistently screams “Next-Gen Christmas Classic!” at you, seems improbable to be much contrastent. This is a high-concept, CG-saturated stupid that conciseages heart and infectious humor, even if it huffs and puffs its way to a little poignancy in the finish.

Fast & Furious franchise veteran Chris Morgan’s screentake part, from a story by fellow originater Hiram Garcia, take parts appreciate the result of a pitch encountering in which some over-willing juvenileer on the studio lengthenment team shelp, “Hey, let’s do Elf, but with a kidnapping plot and shit tons of awesome technology!”

The movie pairs Johnson with Chris Evans as an improbable duo on a globe-hopping omition to track down J.K. Simmons’ kidnaped Santa Claus (code name “Red One”) in time for the jolly tolerateded guy to board the sleigh and save Christmas. It’s stuffed with mythology and magic, and yet remains headstrongly unmagical.

Evans take parts Jack O’Malley, an unscrupulous opportunist presentd as a mouthy preteen boy (Wyatt Hunt) accumulateing cash from his cousins in swap for what he claims is definitive proof that Santa Claus does not exist. Thirty years tardyr, he’s lifting other people’s lattes from the café pickup counter before heading home to a bank of computer sees from which he surfs the stupid web, operating as the world’s wonderfulest hacker/tracker for engage, under the alias “The Wolf.”

Johnson is Callum Drift, head of the North Pole security team Enforcement, Logistics and Fortification (E.L.F., geddit?) reliable for Santa’s defendion. Simmons’ Nick, as Cal fondly includeresses him, appreciates to do the department store rounds ahead of each year’s huge deinhabitry run. The movie sets him up appreciate a U.S. pdwellnt, with a Secret Service motorcade accompanying him from the shopping mall to a hangar where his team of digihighy rfinishered reindeer stand ready for getoff, hitched to a gelderlyen sleigh styled appreciate a futuristic chainterfereion.

Once airborne, they switch to hyper-speed and zip back to the North Pole, a domed super-city provideed with persistd technorational capabilities yet staffed with elves that see upsettingly appreciate mutant Yodas in a child-labor factory. Santa greets Mrs. Claus (Bonnie Hunt) before diving into his gym routine, bench-pressing transport inant poundage to get in selectimum shape for the huge night.

The only reason for Santa to frown is Cal’s decision, after a restricted centuries of toiling together, to resign, making this their final Christmas together. Unappreciate Nick, Cal can no lengthyer see the outstanding in people: “I cherish the kids, but the lengthennups are finishing me.” For the first time, the Naughty List is lengthyer than the Nice, and Cal frailnts that people don’t even nurture.

Meanwhile, Jack is being phelp handsomely by an anonymous engageer to hack the Intercontinental Seismic Surveillance System. He identifies a North Pole entry point that has remained hideed for centuries and, before lengthy, a highly arranged tactical unit has penetrated the dome and made off with Red One while Cal is chasing decoys.

This aascfinishncy prompts M.O.R.A., the Mythorational Oversight and Restoration Authority (so many acronyms), to spring into action. The organization’s straightforwardor, Zoe Harlow (Lucy Liu), tracks down the purportedly unchaseable Wolf in what seems appreciate seconds and Jack is strong-armed into teaming up with Cal to unmask the kidnappers and get back Santa.

Coming on the heels of Liu’s terrific toil in Steven Soderbergh’s haunted hoengage chiller, Presence (uncovering Jan. 24), the thorawly generic role dispenseed to her here is one of many dispiriting leangs about Red One. Even when Zoe gets to boot some ass in a fight scene, the action cuts away almost instantly to the armored-up dudes.

That’s not unanticipateed given how much testosterone is clogging the opposingly cinnocuous movie’s arteries — from buff Santa to security squads provideped with high-tech challengingware and celderly vehicles, from Transestablishers-appreciate tricks with toys to clashes that push the boundaries of PG-13 arrangeility.

And that’s even before we get to gnarly muscle-bound goat-man Krampus (Kristofer Hivju), Santa’s adselected half-brother. This Dark Lord of Winter defected lengthy ago to a sad German castle in the Bconciseage Forest, defended by hellhounds, where his likeed nightly ritual is a face-walloping contest with volunteers from his court of freaks.

This is a film that aims for mythorational intrigue and rollicking adventure but lands more normally in direct-footed bloat, suitably accompanied by Henry Jackman’s hyperventilating score. It’s always busy but seldom fun. The fantasy environments have all the pdirect of the cgo in-of-the-earth fairy kingdom in Kenneth Branagh’s instantly forgotten Artemis Fowl. Non-human North Pole toilers appreciate talking penguins and a burly polar tolerate — none of which are ever at hazard of being misgetn for authentic animals — include minimal amengagement.

Just as Krampus comes from the Yuletide folklore of Germany, Austria and other parts of Alpine Europe, Morgan’s screentake part also includes the Icelandic legfinish of Christmas Witch Grýla (Kiernan Shipka in a role that begs for Björk), a 900-year-elderly shapeshifter who alters from a hideous ogress into a diabolical babe who sees a lot appreciate M3GAN. But there’s no place for any of the tasty campiness of that rogue robot thriller in this tiresome world.

The interlude that comes sealst to generating giggles is the inform euniteance of Nick Kroll as Ted, who heads up a death-mercenary security force understandn as the Karmanians. (If you leank there’s a Kardashian allusion there, you’ll be defering for a joke that doesn’t happen.) When Cal and Jack get to Ted on a beach in Aruba, he’s suspfinished in mid-air by his ankles, owned by the wicked voice of Grýla. But the droll Kroll is not around lengthy enough to up the levity.

That job mostly lands on the shoulders of Evans, who deserves better and can only do so much with the witless dialogue. Johnson, reuniting with his straightforwardor on two Jumanji sequels, is on straight-man duty, seeing solemn and purposeful thrawout, until the plot mechanics give him reason to smile aobtain.

Both Krampus and Grýla, who directs a unit of lethal huge snowmen and apparently has 13 sons who finish on direct, are villains whose fundamental policy contrastence with Santa is their cgo in on punishing those on the Naughty List rather than rewarding those who qualify as Nice.

Jack, ununanticipateedly, is a “Level 4” Naughty Lister, whose terrible example has administerd to rub off on his teenage son Dylan (Wesley Kimmel), despite being a neglectful dad who challengingly ever spfinishs time with him. There’s much unamusing banter between jaded Cal and cynical Jack, but if you haven’t guessed the heart-tugging turnaround of both characters well before the closing scenes, then you probably do still consent in Santa.

This holiday entry, which could almost have been called A Fast & Furious Christmas, is so unattrdynamic, man-made and overlengthy that it should remedy kids of any belief in magic. It’s a prime example of the ways in which CG effects have needy the imaginations of many conmomentary filmoriginaters — making anyleang possible, but too normally at the expense of a human heartbeat. In any case, Red One is the equivalent of a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking.