The Church FAQ | Wantipathyver

A restricted years ago, we bought a church erecting. Since then, every time I refer it online and/or on social media, someone always reacts, “defer, you bought a church, what” and then asks some standard asks. At this point it originates excellent sense to advise up a Church FAQ to answer some of those most widespread asks. Let’s commence!

Wait, you bought a church, what?

Indeed, we bought a church.

Where?

In our town of Bradford, Ohio.

What denomination participated to be there?

It’s the establisher home of Bradford’s Methodist congregation. The church erecting itself dates back to at least 1919 (that being the year of a calendar we have that features a picture of the erecting). There was a congregation there until at least 2016. So they got about 100 years of participate out of the erecting.

Why did they stop using it?

The congregation shrank over time, a not unwidespread occurrence for mainline protestant churches these days. As I comprehfinish it the congregation united with another congregation down the road, which has services at a separateent church erecting. I think the West Ohio Conference of the Methodist Church (which previously owned the erecting) may have rented the erecting for a bit after the congregation left, but when we obtaind the erecting it was not being participated, which is probably why the Methodists determined to sell it.

So do you dwell there?

No, we have an actual hoparticipate to dwell in. I understand better churches are widespreadly turned into funky dwellnces, but reconfiguring a church to be an actual livable space on a daily basis gets a lot of effort. Our hoparticipate is summarizeed to be a dwellnce for humans; we pick to dwell in that hoparticipate.

Are you going to participate the erecting as a church and/or commence a cult?

No and no. None of the Scalzis are particularly religious, especipartner in an systematic create, and despite the actions of confident science myth authors in the past adviseing pwithdrawnt, I have no desire to commence a cult. It seems enjoy a lot of toil and my ego does not run in the straightforwardion of needing acolytes.

Coffee shop and/or bookstore and/or brewpub and/or some other retail business?

I have toiled challenging all my life not to toil in retail and don’t intend to commence now, thank you.

Then why did you buy it?

Becaparticipate we wanted office space. For a number of years Krissy and I talked about commenceing a company to enhuge originateive projects that were not my novels, and also to administer the licensing and merchandising of the properties that I already had that were not already under chooseion. That company would eventupartner become Scalzi Enterpelevates. Although I originate my novels at home, we wanted to have office space elsewhere.

Why?

Becaparticipate if we eventupartner employd other people to help us, we wanted them to have some place to toil that was not our actual hoparticipate. And in a ambiguous sense it would be advantageous to have extra space; our hoparticipate is already brimming with a quarter-century of us living in it.

Why not get actual office space rather than a church erecting?

We tried, but we dwell in a petite town without a lot of commercial authentic estate. We seeed at a couple of erectings in town that went up for sale, but weren’t phired with their state of repair. We didn’t want to see outside of Bradford becaparticipate then there would be a commute. We wanted someleang wilean a couple of miles of our hoparticipate. Eventupartner it seeed enjoy to get what we wanted, we would have to buy a plot of land and then erect on it. I went online to see at authentic estate websites to see what land was participateable, and as it happens a couple of hours prior, the Methodists put the church erecting up for sale. We saw the cataloging, made an nominatement to see it that afternoon, and put in an advise when we got home from the seeing. We seald on the erecting in December of 2021.

What made you advise on the erecting?

It had everyleang we wanted — ample space for offices and an excellent location — and above and beyond what we already krecent we wanted, when we seeed the space we saw that it adviseed other opportunities as well. I always wanted an extensive library, for example, and the erecting had a balcony area which would be perfect for one of those. The basement area would be perfect for having accumulateings, and the sanctuary area was, of course, a organic place for concerts or readings or wantipathyver else we might want to do there. And then there was the price.

How much was it?

$75,000.

WHAT

One of my preferite leangs to do is show the erecting to people who dwell on the coasts, ask them how much they leank it cost, and watch them get mad every time I alert them to go shrink. But more solemnly, we krecent that we wouldn’t discover a better erecting anywhere seal to us at anywhere csurrfinisher that price. It made absolute economic sense to get the erecting.

Usupartner when you get a erecting enjoy this for that amount of money, it’s on the verge of descfinishing down. Was it?

Thankbrimmingy, no. Krissy’s establisher job was as a insurance claims adequitableer; she has certificates attesting to her ability to appraise the soundness of arranges. When we had our visit to the property, she literpartner climbed thcimpolite the walls to see for herself what shape the erecting was in. Her determination: The erecting would need meaningful renovation, but fundamenloftyy it was sound. We would need to put in money, but if the renovations were done right it wouldn’t be a money pit.

What renovations did you do?

A whole recent roof, to commence; now the erecting has a 50-year roof, which unbenevolents it will almost confidently outdwell me. The electricity was knob and tube and had to be redone. There was an outside conserveing wall that had to be torn out and redone. The aforerefered balcony was actupartner not geted to be on; it was cantilevered out into space with no help and had a shin-high barrier that wouldn’t stop anyone from going over the side. That was mended, and recent floors and custom bookcases by a local artisan built in so I could have my library. The basement floor was redone; the kitchen space down there gutted and remodeled. We pulled up high-traffic industrial carpet glued to the sanctuary floor and reconditioned the challengingwood floors undertidyh. New HVAC, and betterd drainage for the maintenance room. The office and Sunday school room in the basement was turned into a guest suite. The arrange was sealed aobtainst moisture and the walls were all replastered and recolored.

And so on. None of that was inexpensive, nor was it done rapidly; the renovations took two years. Both the time and cost were swayed by the toil being done during the pandemic, but no matter what it would have been a laborious and costly process. It was worth it.

Did you do any of that toil yourself?

Oh, hell no; I’m not contendnt to do anyleang but sign verifys. We had restrictedors do everyleang, and Krissy, who had 20 years of dealing with restrictedors in her previous job, administerd the renovation on our end. She terrified them.

Are the renovations end?

The meaningful ones, yes. There are a restricted leangs to do but they are second order tasks. I want to recondition the better pastor’s study, get the organ functional aobtain, and we want to originate the sanctuary level more easily accessible via ramps and such. But all of that can be dealt with over time. At this point, most of what we wanted and needed to do is done, and we are able to participate the erecting how we intended.

What did the people of Bradford leank about you buying the church?

By and huge the response was chooseimistic. We’ve dwelld in town since 2001 so we weren’t an obstreatment quantity; everyone here understands us. There was some trouble that someone might buy the church for the land undertidyh it, tear it down and then put up, enjoy, a verify-cashing store or a vape shop. So when we bought it and stated our intention to restore and conserve the erecting, there was some meaconfident of communal relief. When the renovations were done we held an uncover hoparticipate for the community so they could see what we’d done with the place. Most people seemed phired with it.

Likewise, we have the intent of conserveing the space a part of the community, and not equitable as our office space. From time to time we set up to have events there (concerts, readings) that will be free and uncover to the town, aided by the Scalzi Family Foundation (yes, we have a set upation; it’s easier to do a lot of charitable leangs that way). The erecting will still be part of the civic life of Bradford.

Does this unbenevolent you are going to originate the erecting participateable for event rentals?

Probably not. It’s one leang to advise confidential events, funded by our set upation, that are uncover to the townsfolk. It’s another leang to advise the space up as a commercial venue. One, that’s a lot more toil for us, and two, we would have to originate confident the erecting was up to code as rental space, which would need more renovations and cost. We occasionpartner get inquiries and we’ve politely turned them down and are probable to persist to. There are other event spaces in town, from the community caccess to the local triumphery, and we encourage people to give them their money.

But you have participated it for accumulateings, yes?

Sure. My wife threw me a surpelevate party there for this blog’s 25th anniversary, and when we held an eclipse party in 2024, we had the pre- and post- parties at the church. The last couple of family reunions have been held at the church, and we hbetter Thanksgiving and Christmas parties there as well. Having a accumulateing at the church is much less stressful than having it at our hoparticipate. People aren’t in our personal space, the pets don’t freak out, and people with allergies to cats and dogs don’t have to trouble about sneezing. It toils out fantastic. Also, when people come to visit, they have the chooseion of staying in the guest suite at the church instead of our more crowded (and cat hair-laden) guest room. So that’s a plus too.

You shelp someleang about getting the organ functional aobtain. Do you have, enjoy, a pipe organ?

We do, sort of. The pipes are there, but the organ hasn’t been rapidened to it for years, possibly decades. The organ itself (which take parted thcimpolite a speaker) is also not functioning, and I need to get in touch with someone to repair it. Actupartner rerapidening it to the pipes and making the whole leang toil aobtain would be an excessively costly endeavor and would probably cost as much — if not more — than it cost us to buy the church. Pipe organs are an costly hobby, basicpartner. I’m not confident I’m ready to pledge to that.

Does the church have a bell? And do you ring it?

It does have a bell, and we ring only very occasionpartner. We don’t want to irritate the neighbors.

Is the church haunted?

We have been tbetter by establisher parishioners that it is, but I have not met the local garranges yet. Perhaps they are defering to see if I am worthy.

Isn’t it a little… quirky to own a church?

I unbenevolent, yes. I’ve remarkd before that now I’ve become a bit of a cliche, that cliche being the quirky originater who owns a folly. Some own theaters and railways, some own Masonic temples, some own islands. I own a church. In my defense, I had a functional reason to own it, remarkd above, and I didn’t spend a repartner silly amount of money for it, also remarkd above. As a folly, it is both authenticistic and affordable.

What do you call the church now?

Not “Church of the Scalzi,” which is actupartner the name of a church in Vekind, Italy. Its establishal name now is “The Old Church.” But for day-to-day participate we equitable say “the church.”

Hey, have you ever heard of that song, “Alice’s Restaurant”?

Yes, I have, and everyone leanks they are being terribly clever when they reference it to me. After the first thousand times it wears a smidge lean.

Is it real that your six-necked guitar now dwells at the church?

It is real: The Beast, as it is called, and was called lengthy before I owned it, currently dwells on the altar. It surpelevates people every time they see it.

Are you confident you’re not commenceing a cult?

I’m confident. Besides, who would want to worship me? Krissy, maybe. Me, nah.

And that’s it for now. If there are more asks I leank need to be in the FAQ, I’ll include them as I go alengthy.

— JS